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Forgiveness is not as easy as it seems . . .
There you stand, caught in the act. Little Hector is crying and you’re responsible. “Tell your brother you’re sorry,” Mother demands. Your mind is a churning storm of defense, defiance and anger. “Why should I say I’m sorry? He started it,” your mind forms its defense, but the courtroom of your mind is again invaded by Judge Mom’s verdict. “I said, tell your brother that you are sorry, and do it right now or I’ll give you something to be sorry about, young man!” There is no time for arguing the finer points of justice. “I’m sorry Hector,” pushes pass tight lips, folded arms and a defiant unyielding heart. Mother is satisfied and your heart has safely hidden away its malice for a more opportune time. “Maybe a sniper hit with a water balloon after lunch, or maybe I can …,” your unrepentant, unforgiven heart plots its revenge. The need for forgiveness is the furthest thought from your mind. To be honest, it is no easier for Hector. As soon as the words squeezed out of your mouth, Mother turns on little brother demanding a quick forgiveness that will close the door on the whole sordid affair. He does not want to finish the matter too quickly, either. If he forgives, it might invite more abuse. You need to pay for the crime, and dearly. While his mouth extends forgiveness, the “generals of his heart” devise plans for an extended war.

Whether it is receiving or extending forgiveness, we all struggle in this area of our lives. Yet, the ability to be forgiven and to offer forgiveness is vital to our general well-being, and especially to the health of our hearts. The following is an overview of forgiveness as it relates to the health of our hearts.

Why is forgiveness such a big deal?
Can you imagine what it would be like . . . no domestic disturbances, no hurtful words, no rage, malice or slandering words? This utopia existed for only two individuals. Adam and Eve were given a perfect world and the ability to live in perfect harmony with each other and with God. With their disobedience, harmony was lost and discord took the throne. Paul tells us that with Adam and Eve’s rebellion against God, sin and death entered the world (Romans 5:12ff.). This means that every time someone sins, they must die for that sin. This law was written into the fabric of this world in the same way that gravity is an unavoidable law.

Even though God established the law of sin and death, His great love for humanity sought a solution for our dilemma. Jesus’ willingness to die, even though He had never sinned, provided the way for God to uphold the law of sin and death without requiring an individual to die for their personal sin. When someone turns to God, God applies the death of Jesus to that person and forgives their sin. Therefore, forgiveness releases the individual from being punished for their sin. When God forgave our sins through Jesus, He did not simply ignore the punishment (death) for the sin, He paid it. He paid for our sins by allowing His Son to die (receive the punishment) for our sins.

Why is forgiveness such a big deal? Without a means of dealing with sin, every human would be required to pay for their sin. There would be no exceptions. The judge’s gavel would fall on every sin pronouncing a death sentence. None of our gradations of sins or justifications would deliver us. The person who slips off a cliff or the person who jumps off both experience the law of gravity. Both the ignorant and intentional sinners bring death into their lives. All sin must be dealt with.

Why is forgiveness so difficult to appropriate for ourselves?
There are at least three reasons for our struggle with forgiveness:

As fallen humans, we automatically run from taking responsibility for our sin. We, like Adam and Eve, hide from God and blame others for our choices. Asking for forgiveness requires us to be honest about our sin. Therefore, in hiding from our sin we also resist the only solution for those sins.
Because the law of sin and death is written into our hearts, it is our nature to demand that sin be paid for. Therefore, even though we try to hide from the responsibility for our sins, our hearts condemn us, demanding that we pay for our sins. While we try to pay for our sins through good works, shame and self-hatred, our hearts know that death alone will atone for our sin. Coupled with a heart that is in rebellion against God, we refuse to come to God to have our sin handled through forgiveness.

Forgiveness requires the humble acknowledgement of my inability to handle the results of my sin. Forgiveness requires that only faith in Jesus can deliver us from the punishment of sin. We choose other ways of handling the effects of sin. We expect time to erase our sins. When that does not occur, we deny, minimize and rationalize our sins, hoping that redefining them will make them vanish.

Ok! Help me receive and accept forgiveness for my sins!

Step One: Acknowledge your sins. This is not simply saying I sinned, but rather, identifying my sin as God does. Anger is murder in the heart. Lust is adultery. Get the picture? To misname the sin is to say that God does not have enough grace to forgive the real sin. Therefore, I have to minimize the sin to make it forgivable. This leaves the real sin in my heart unforgiven .

The accurate naming of my sin may take some time. It is not that we cannot vocalize the name, but my heart does not always agree with my mind. For example, I may verbalize that the anger I have had toward my boss is murder according to Scripture, but in my heart continue to defend it. Take time in Scripture, allowing it to honestly reveal your sin and the defenses your heart has erected around it.

Step Two: Submit to the fact that Jesus' sacrifice is alone sufficient to deal with sin. There is nothing I can do to deserve this forgiveness, nor is there anything I can do add to it. This means to have my conscience sprinkled clean from dead works (Hebrews). When I try to add to the sacrifice of Jesus, I must minimize or deny the true nature of my sin in order to manage it personally. The great debtor in Matthew 18 thought that if he simply had more time, he could pay his debt off. This resulted in his abuse of those who owed him.

Step Three: Take God at His word (1 John 1:9).

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

This means that we are to practice the presence of our forgiveness. The truth is that God has forgiven our sin based on the blood of Jesus and our confession of the sin. This gives me the right to act as though this is true, even if my feelings have not grasped the truth. What do you do after you confess your sin? Do you continue to beat yourself up, giving yourself over to shame and self-hatred? This is to act as though you are not forgiven. Until you accept God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself, you will stay chained to that sin. Shame, self-hatred and attempts to pay for your sins will only drag you back into those very sins.

Step Four: Work through the fallout of your sin. Your sin may have damaged a relationship. Take responsibility for that with the person you sinned against. Sin defiles our hearts. When we quiet ourselves before God through meditation on Scripture and worship, our hearts are cleansed from the stain of sin. Meditation and worship also reestablish our hearts after the destabilizing effects of sin. A tool for this process of restoration is found in Psalm 51. Work through cleansing and restoration of your heart using David’s words as a framework for that process.

Step Five: Turn a fall into sin into an opportunity for growth. When we sin, we are forced to admit that we have not reached perfection. Sin takes the covers off our deceiving hearts. The key to this moment of opportunity is to accept the confrontation of Jesus when He tells us that all words and actions come from our hearts, and therefore reveal the true condition of our heats. The hidden heart may accept responsibility for a sin, yet refuse the full implications of the sin. We may even ask for forgiveness, but privately refuse to believe that the anger really came from our heart. “I was tired . . I had a bad day . . . They made me angry . . .” are all excuses we use to defend our words and actions.

God wants our hearts conformed to the image of His Son. When He forgives us, He invites us to bring our hearts into His presence for healing, deliverance and transformation. Romans 8:1 draws us with the promise that there is no punishment for those who are in Christ Jesus. With the forgiveness of our sins, God welcomes us into His presence where He will reveal the source of our sin; not to shame us, but to change us.

Ask questions that give God an opportunity to expose your heart. Is this sin a habit? What am I trying to accomplish by this sin? What pain am I trying to avoid? What beliefs do I use to justify this sin? May you never again be trapped in the darkness of unforgiven sin, but rather, may you walk in the light of God’s presence, forgiven and being transformed.

Key Verses: Psalm 51; 1 John 1:9; Psalm 32:1-5; Psalm 85:2,3; Psalm 103:10-13; Isaiah 38:17; Isaiah 43:25; John 1:29; Romans 3:21-30; Romans 5:1-10; Romans 6:23; Romans 8:1,15; 2 Corinthians 5:18,19; Hebrews 9:26.